Working With A Womb Twin Survivor Through Pluralism
Donna McDonald, Private Practice at Peaceful Grove Counselling & Psychotherapy
In 2008 I was on a workshop exploring attachment theory, when an unknown truth made itself known to me like a slap in the face. We were put into subgroups and I found myself in a group consisting of lots of twins and myself. They remarked how unusual it was to have so many twins in one group and asked if anyone else was. I sheepishly raised my hand to say well I was a twin but it died in the first trimester so it doesn’t really count…
They jumped on this to tell me it does count and that, yes, I am still a twin. They wanted to know more so I relayed the story as I understood it. That day changed my life forever as I realised– No, I accepted, finally, that I am a womb twin survivor. I researched and learned as much as I could but there is little-to-none academic writing on the subject. So I looked to change this.
A womb twin survivor is someone who lost their twin or multiple anytime through pregnancy or shortly after birth; thus miscarriage, stillbirth, failed abortion, or neonatal death. It has been estimated that 10–15% of all single births were originally a multiple, often with a twin being lost within the first trimester. As a consequence, psychotherapists will likely come in contact with clients presenting related psychological characteristics but not always recognise or understand the phenomenon and so not address one of the potential root causes.
I took this revelation to my counsellor and found she could not ‘meet’ me on this subject as she did not know, understand, or could empathise with the situation. She stated that my twin was just a bunch of cells and it was obviously not meant to survive and that I should be sensitive towards my mother who miscarried and not make a ‘thing’ of it. I felt shamed, my experience felt belittled, and that I should not discuss it. What I wanted, and what other survivors need, is to be listened to and respected. That is, to have their experience of grief and trauma (as this is how many survivors describe their experience) validated and acknowledged and learn (if they wish) on how to integrate their twin into their life/identity. It is crucial to not assume what the survivor wants to achieve from counselling. For some survivors, the shock in discovering they are a twin is hard enough as this can change their concept of themselves and their family dynamic. They may have resentment towards the twin or be angry over how this information has been hidden from them into adulthood.
Characteristics of a Womb Twin Survivor
Althea Hayton suggested people who identify as a womb twin survivor can: (a) have a feeling that all their life something has been missing, (b) fear rejection, (c) feel they are not realising their true potential, (d) feel different from other people, (e) have been searching for something all their life but do not know what it is (f) feel deep down they are alone, even when among friends, (g) have a fear of abandonment, (h) have a problem with anger; too much or too little, (i) always feel in some way unsatisfied, but not knowing why, (j) feel there are two very different sides to their character, and (k) have a preoccupation with death.
A surviving twin may unconsciously try to re-enact the twin bond in their relationships. They can struggle with survivor guilt, have a tendency to try and live their life for two, or feel that they are only half alive. Survivors can also suppress their feelings out of fear of being ridiculed and misunderstood, causing loneliness.
It may be worth inviting clients to explore any pre-birth events as research shows how our time in the womb can greatly influence us in adult life. Womb twins can be viewed as unconsciously re-enacting the connection and bereavement of their twin; looking for a replacement of the twin bond and, as this re-enactment happens, those feelings may resurface. Without exploring this time in someone’s life we potentially miss the original cause of a client’s trauma/struggles.
Whether we as counsellors agree with a client’s belief over their experience in the womb or not, we do need to be open to the possibility that a client’s presenting struggles in counselling may go further back than we anticipated and not stop at a client’s diagnosis or current challenges.
Pluralism as a Resource
In coming to terms with being a womb twin survivor I have found pluralism to be my best ally and source of connection. In my experience of being and meeting womb twin survivors, there, of course, is not a ‘one size fits all approach’. Depending on our life experience, spiritual beliefs, family systems, subsequent traumas, and personalities, how we process the information will influence if we want to integrate our twin, require support through grief, or just make sense of this knowledge. Some survivors are told of their twin as children and have grown up with this awareness. However, being still in a society where this phenomenon is not recognised, it can still create a lonely place for the client.
Pluralism places counsellors in a strong position to support clients through this as we ‘know’ there is not one right approach and with a potentially complicated set of challenges working with a womb twin survivor, we need different strategies to untangle the many different threads of the tapestry.
In my own journey I have used psychoeducation to understand and normalise my experience, I have used compassion-focussed therapy to address my guilt and anger, and I have used attachment theory in understanding how such an early loss influenced my attachment style and future relationships. I also used somatic experiencing through breathwork which took me back to the moment my twin died, so I could understand my feelings and therefore release them in a healthy way. I have also used art therapy, psychodynamic therapy, and narrative practices.
Through lots of creative activities I have satisfied an insatiable need to be close to my twin. I have painted memorial stones, found a candle that felt right, created symbols that linked me to him, a pendant and ring to wear, and created rituals for celebrating the anniversaries. I have written to him and created photos thanks to FaceApp so I can imagine what he would look like. I have done this well because I have the advantage of being a counsellor and being able to access these resources and knowledge. Our clients are not so lucky.
I am sure EMDR, Gestalt therapy, and other methods of somatic therapies would be very useful as this trauma occurred at a pre-verbal time and we now know memories are stored within the body. The body may remember our twins and unconsciously reach for them.
During my own journey my needs have changed with my views and integration of this information and my identity has developed. This makes pluralism suited to this work: with the regular reviews, setting, and resetting of goals for clients. The adaptability, creativity, and individual focus supports the client in navigating through this potentially trying time.
In my Master’s dissertation research, culture plays a huge role in how people will feel about being a twin and what support is available to them. The family narrative is crucial and an understanding of the client’s spiritual beliefs will be discussed. What I have loved about working pluralistically is the creativity and how you can shape and mould strategies to a client and tailor it to them. To also not to be afraid to ‘hold your hand up’ and say ‘I can’t assist you with that but I know someone who can’ and accept that we can’t do it all or know it all. Work like this for both the counsellor and client is a journey and you don’t know where it is going to take you. But the exploration is powerful, humbling, and a privilege to be part of.
I have not come to the end of my journey as a womb twin survivor. I have accepted this will come and go in intensity now but it is manageable. I firmly believe that pluralism is best placed to look at what it means to be a womb twin survivor and support those clients through to understanding, acceptance, and integration of this truth if that is what they wish. There is so much more to this subject and I would strongly suggest exploring more on it if it resonates with you or for a client.
Womb Twin Survivor Reflections links:
https://www.facebook.com/wombtwinsurvivorreflections https://www.instagram.com/womb_twin_survivor_reflections/
Peaceful Grove Counselling & Psychotherapy links:
37 thoughts on “Working With A Womb Twin Survivor Through Pluralism”
Fascinating read. I remember attending some training many years ago with AdoptionUK before embarking on my counselling training and my astonishment at finding out the effects of attachment and trauma on developing embryos. Thank you for highlighting this topic.
Thank you Emma.
I’m a twin survivor and I have 2 say my life has been so lonely nothing makes me happy when I lost my mother I lost everything again im v physic but always pick up when a person is going 2 die I feel it I guess I witness death before I witnessed life with the loss of my twin brother
I am a womb twin survivor. My mother was told she was not accepting the loss of her baby, as she still has morning sickness. She kept telling them she was still pregnant. They kept telling her no. She has been bleeding since she lost the twin so they scheduled her for a D&C. The evening before the D&C, a visiting doctor doing the on call discovered my heart beat.
Hello Judith, thank you so much for sharing your story, it mirrors my own experience..
Hi Judith,
Apologies for the late reply. Thank you for sharing your story.
Unfortunately, I think this experience your mother had was all too common and mothers were not listened to or cared for in the way they needed or deserved.
I hope you both now have had the support and acknowledgment you needed.
The same thing happened to my partner. His mother was pregnant and miscarried a baby girl in her first trimester but still had all the symptoms of pregnancy and kept growing around the belly even though the doctors told her that she was no longer pregnant until they discovered my partner’s heartbeat and realized that she had been pregnant with twins and miscarried one while the other survived. I was told this story shortly after my partner and I began dating by his parents and while my partner has never ever brought this subject up, I feel that it shows in his personality that he may feel a perpetual loneliness and loss that he doesn’t acknowledge. He is an extremely kind person but he also always has a hint of sadness even in our happiest moments and I believe that this could be why.
Same story here
I am everything you have described in A to J. Unfortunately there are contradicting answers of why my twin didn’t survive. My mother and grandmother told me it was a miscarriage my Aunt said it was a termination. At nearly 60 I am finally grieving my Twin.
Hi Katrina,
My apologies for such a late reply.
It is hard to move forward when we are still trying to find out the truth.
But either way there was a twin and you have grief. I hope you have found a way to honour your needs that are conducive to healing and peace for yourself.
Making meaning is such an important part in our healing and integrating this information about who we are.
Best wishes
Thank you, Donna,
After using somatic psychotherapies to unpick my DV past (both parents with early childhood traumas, and in an attempt to unravel the damage I tried to relate to other damaged people) at the age of 76 I read The Untwinned, fell into deep grief for my twin who died at 10 weeks gestation, and used Hayton’s books to work through my grief and the year of resolving the Survivor Guilt that followed.
Now I am using osteopathy and somatics to help my body recover – I had ‘given’ my left side to my twin to help me through my difficult childhood. He gave me the enmeshed love and psychic support my family did not…
I feel brave and a little foolish with my late attempt to be just one person.
It’s nice to have the whole topic raised. I have read scientific estimates that more than half of human conceptions may be multiple, with many foetuses not surviving the first 4 weeks, so before movement and psychic awareness have developed.
Attention deficit to the outer world and psychic connection and awareness are inherent for twins and untwinned – it will be wonderful when humans are accepted in this form as well as those who predominate
I am a sunrise baby. I have always felt like something was off, part of me was missing, etc. Found out in middle school that I had been a twin. More and more things started to make sense about why I am how I am. My twin was lost when my mom was around 6 moths pregnant. So I guess she was right saying I was a miracle. I suffered no physical effects from my twin being lost at such a late stage in pregnancy (and obviously didn’t die as my mother was warned to expect. Though I do show a few signs I may have been slightly underdeveloped. My mother also didn’t suffer any physical damage. I do carry emotional scars that I am just now realizing stem from my lost sibling.. I have done regressive memory hypnosis, self guided, and unexpectedly came upon a womb memory, feeling my twin there with me. Moving his arms and legs to get comfortable as we are getting less space. It’s something I am so thankful to have recovered. Being born when and where I was, there aren’tany ultrasound photos from my womb time. Bless those who grieve as I do for their missing twin. It’s a grief that many just don’t understand.
Hi Jess,
Thank you for sharing your story. My apologies it has taken so long to reply.
I am so happy to hear you managed to recover these precious memories.
I think once that door opens for you, others do too in re-remembering and connecting to your twin.
I hope you get the support you need to heal and feel at peace within. Unfortunately you’re right. Many don’t understand…yet.
Eventually the world will.
Best wishes.
My son is a womb twin survivor. He’s 5 going on 6 in April. He’s a really smart little boy and I’ve told him about him being a twin the best way I could. I explained that his twin didn’t make it and is now an angel. He will bring it up every now and then but I wonder if he often feels like something is missing. loved reading your experience. Thank you
Hi Lorissa,
My apologies it has taken so long to reply to you. Thank you for sharing your experience and I think it’s wonderful the honesty you have given your son. I truly think this helps a survivor so much.
I think how a survivor makes sense of their place in the world and their right to take up space is so important. Loneliness may or may not come. But in creating a safe space to talk about it and for him to know he is wanted as he is, is key.
His relationship with the knowledge of his twin will fluctuate over his life. But he will know he has the loving support of you.
All the best.
It’s wonderful to read other survivors’ stories – at least 10% of us suffer depression and aloneness needlessly. After I’d finally finished working with the repercussions from my DV-filled life, the grief overwhelmed me, and luckily I saw Untwinned on a shelf in a second hand bookshop. How blessed I feel…and determined to help our experience become public knowledge so others don’t experience the effects we have spent our lives not understanding.
Tears of grief and relief. Huge thanks to one and all who have shared on this sight.
Learning at the age of 69 for sure that i am a twin, my other having miscarried, i have begun to research this and am so grateful to have found your sight. i checked every box in the Althea Hayton’s ‘Characteristics of a womb twin survivor.’ My artistic and spiritual practices prove to be great assets as i intuitively navigate this curious aspect of my existence.
Sadly i hold neither facebook nor instagram accounts and wonder are there other avenues of information available.
Sincerely Pj
Hi PJ,
There is a lot of information out on the internet now but not much information that is peer reviewed. I had a paper in the BACP’s Therapy Today June 2022 you could read.
I am happy to discuss things if you like?
All the best.
This is interesting! Do you think there is a connection between dissociative disorders and being a womb twin survivor?
Hi Mary,
Thank you for your comment. I don’t know if there is any connection as research has not been done on this. I would speculate it will depend on the life experiences and mental health support after this initial trauma.
During a routine Naturopathic appointment, the doctor sprung on me that I was a womb twin survivor. It was like a bolt of lightning striking me. I had never heard of such a thing. When I got home, I asked my mom about it. She immediately started crying and became hysterical, which was extremely unusual for her. I was told to drop the subject or I would be kicked out of the house. So secretly I researched about the subject. I corresponded a little with Althea Hayton, who agreed I fit all the symptoms. It was determined I was a multiple (triplet). I was the only survivor, which has left me with a lot of mental baggage. I have been diagnosed with eighteen different mental health issues in the past three months. One diagnosis is overwhelming, gender dysphoria. Since this diagnosis, I’ve wondered if it may be caused by being a womb twin survivor. I feel guilty about surviving, and want to bring my sister back to life by transitioning and living her life. I also wonder if this could be why others transition. It’s definitely not something I want to do but the depression is literally killing me. I’m hoping my new therapist will have answers to this conundrum at my next appointment.
Hi James,
Apologies if your name has changed. I hope you’ve had relative peace since you posted your comment here.
I have been transitioning for several months, and after I started treating my gender dysphoria I had questions about having lost a twin in the womb. This is still unverified by my parents, but the symptoms align and I am overwhelmingly drawn to the possibility that I could have had a twin.
Interestingly for me, I believe my twin’s sex was the same as mine at birth. Now I am transitioning away from it. Looking back at the time I was closeted, I see it as a chance to watch my twin grow up. It’s very jarring.
There’s much I don’t know yet. But as someone in a strikingly similar situation, I wanted to share that my transition and my grief are intertwining, and my growth is stronger because of it. I hope you are finding strength in your discovery!
Hi James,
Thank you for having the courage to share your story here. I am sorry it has taken so long for me to respond.
It sounds like you have had such a challenging time. A very painful one and I am sorry it is one you have faced with little support but I hope that is changing for you.
I would recommend counselling to explore these questions you have and to have someone beside you who can hold a safe space without a bias to your experience.
Much of what you have shared here is very much experienced by womb twin survivors. It is understandable to have these thoughts and struggles. You are not alone James.
I hope your appointments have gone well and you are receiving the support you need.
I am happy to answer (if I can) any questions you may have.
I wish you all the best.
What a wonderful early morning read! Finally I feel understood. I am 36 years old and a womb twin survivor. My twin brother Anthony Michael (Tony) was still born. My mother told me that she believes he had been dead in the womb for about a week or two before our birth. The umbilical cord got wrapped around his neck and therfore he wasnt getting any oxygen or nutrients needed for survival. So that means I held my dead twin brother in my arms for a week or two before the doctor pulled us apart. That sends chills down my spine. It also makes so much sense when thinking about my life and the way I have lived it. The emotions and the sense of something (or someone) was missing since as long as I can remember. Once my mother went into labor, every time she would get a strong contraction my heartbeat would drop so they did an emergency c section to save my life. My brother wasn’t so lucky. I miss him. I’ve always missed him.. I often wonder what he would be like, what he would look like would we favor? Would we be close? I’m sure we would. Maybe that’s why I have a more masculine personality, not really man like, but definitely not girly. I’m tough. I’m strong. I’m a survivor. I’ve always got along with men more so than women. Maybe this is all related to my twins death. I used to have dreams of being in the womb with him. All I know is my life was forever changed the day he passed and I’ve had a him sized hole in my heart since birth. I never knew that there was others out there that felt the same way I did. I mean I should have figured as much but it never really crossed my mind. It’s nice to know I’m not alone and that I’m not crazy to feel the way I feel. Id like any information or support I can get in this matter. If anyone knows of any websites I could turn to or support groups available id appreciate it. Thanks for sharing this information and helping me to better understand this situation and my feelings concerning it.
My apologies for coming back here so late to look at the comments. I wasn’t expecting so many.
I also wrote a paper for the BACP Therapy Today magazine in June 2022 which has more information there. I am looking to offer other things on the subject too.
If you want to reach out to ask questions please feel free through the social media pages or a quick google will being my information up.
Best wishes
Hi Donna, I am 55 and my first trimester they said they heard no heartbeat and I could wait for it to pass or get a d&c. I went home and waited but I always still felt pregnant. I got pregnant really quick and had a girl two months early. I had never even heard of vanishing twin syndrome till the other day but I always had a feeling it was twins and so did my mother in law at the time. My child is now 19, sadly we no longer keep in touch and she has started saying she is a boy and I was never mean about it I just didnt understand what she/he was going through even though I begged her to help me understand it. Do you think if I was pregnant with twins the one I lost was a boy and that could be why she feels this way?
I found this sight by accident. Iam a twinless twin my twin was lost in the womb. Iam both left handed and right handed, my eyes are both green and blue depending on my emotions. I was born on the cusp of the gemini and torus. Ive always felt like somethings missing always feel alone. I suffere from a major depressive disorder. Ive been married twice and devorced. I fear rejection Iam a people pleaser. I dont understand why iam the way iam. I dont even know what way iam. Iam now 62 years old, just try to understand my life.
It might be just coincidence Julie but I am left-handed officially as that is what I write with, however I am right handed in many things. I am not ambidextrous by any manner of means though. I also suffer severe depression but I think that will be a common theme amongst womb twin survivors.
I have believed I was a womb twin survivor. My mum fell pregnant with me in early 1975 whilst living in Australia. I was due around the 25/10/75. Returning to the UK in March 75 my father died shortly after in early May 75. My mum was in a bad place both physically and emotionally. My mother had had several previous miscarriages at various gestational points so knew the signs and knew when she suddenly lost her foetus in a public toilet. Due to the location she wasn’t in any position to scoop the products of conception to take to a doctor like she had been told to do previously if it was a later gestational age. Whilst the public toilet was unfortunate it was fortunate in the fact it was only a mile from the hospital and my family get her there a lot quicker than they ever could have at home. The hospital gave her an ultrasound to prove to her she was indeed still pregnant and dismissed her claim there was a recognisable foetus lost. She was put on complete bed rest in hospital for 6 weeks. When they allowed her up finally she started to bleed again and was on CBR for another 2 weeks. I was finally born 8 days before my due date weighing only 4lb 5oz and was in the Special Baby Care Unit for 5 weeks before being allowed home.
All my childhood I felt that missing something womb twin survivors talk about and by the time I was around 12 I KNEW that was what had really happened but I kept silent until I was 18 and finally spoke to my mum about it. She admitted she had tried to bury it in her head as that would just be yet another baby she had lost. In fact my older brother was born at 28 weeks (over a toilet again, but this time at home) and at 3lb 3 1/2 oz and it was a miracle he survived. But me asking her let us both open up and accept that little life that never made it and I think it helped us both heal. We do not talk about it to anyone else but at least we have each other. Both my stepdad and my own husband know and accept it but they don’t the same connection.
One strange thing though is that the brother I mentioned above born at 28 weeks was in the hospital until he was nearly 5 months old. Whilst he was in hospital my mum had another miscarriage and as I mentioned above took the products of conception she lost to the doctor who on inspection told her “oh yes, this is a 22 week foetus. My mum told him it was impossible as her son was currently in hospital and only 11 weeks old. To go into all the possibilities and almost mythological gynaecological occurrences that brings up makes me loath to talk about either situation as people do judge and think you are crazy.
I do have a lot of the womb twin survivor traits, well probably all except for a fascination with death although as a nurse I have seen my share of those that are passing or just passed and the main thing I feel is the hope they are at peace.
I came across this site randomly through a Pinterest search. I am 43 and have discovered in this last year that I am a surviving twin. I was never told and my mother is past on now and I can’t talk to her about it. This is challenging. I had a surgery when I was two months old that was labeled as a double hernia surgery in 1980. I recently did some research on hernia surgery and became curious about my experience as a child so I ordered my full health records from birth. There are discrepancies in the reports.. such as ‘he’ being used instead of ‘she’. Also the surgery report states things that don’t make sense for a hernia surgery. Before finding out I had a twin.. I had thoughts that I was born intersex and that my mother had to choose which id be and that the surgery was to remove parts that I was born extra with and so corrections were made for me to be fully girl. Later I found out that instead it was that I had absorbed partially my twin brother and that it was the parts of him attached to me that were removed during the “so called hernia surgery “ but it was left labeled this way because the doctors didn’t really know what they were dealing with and it was easier on my mom this way. And I was never told about my twin because she didn’t want me to be depressed. (She told me that I was a miracle and went through a tough time after being born and that I’d need extra love in life. She was also worried the surgery was going to leave me infertile as an adult. I had 3 pregnancies.. 2 viable. My sons are also miracles.)
I’ve been depressed my whole life.. always felt something was missing.. had horrible separation anxiety, still manage with uncontrollable anxiety often, i was kind of obsessed with twins and always wanted a boy and a girl twins, feeling alone has been a common feeling my entire life but I never knew why and could not place where all this anguish was ever coming from or stemmed from. My mother was an identical twin. Her sister is still alive. I am considering asking her about this all as I can’t ask my mother. It’s so much to have to come to terms with without having specific answers for. It makes me feel more alone. I can talk to my husband about it and have just recently started seeing a new therapist. I brought it up at our first session. Hoping to work through this. I have so many mixed emotions and so many questions. It’s quite overwhelming. I feel like my family knows but has also kept this secret my whole life. Which makes me feel even more lonely. I’ve had a twin angel my whole life and never knew.. how do I properly grieve that.. how do I honor him now that I know? Why does it make me feel like I can’t share this truth for fear of being ridiculed? It’s a lot.
Thank you for this site. I appreciate you.
I came across this by accident but so glad I read it. I am 22 now and growing up I’ve always been aware that I am a womb twin survivor. My parents found out about us quite early on, so had witnessed several ultrasounds with the two of us. They had been recording the ultrasounds but just after 3 months, an ultrasound showed that we lost my twin and that day the doctor accidentally recorded over the others so I’ve never seen my twin in that aspect. One thing I’ve never heard of other womb twin survivors experiencing is a spiritual companion. When I was very young I was always with a little girl called Shelby, and my mom fully believes that was my twin guiding me. Shelby was always in my vicinity and went everywhere with us but when my grandfather (Oupa) passed unexpectedly when I was two and a half, she wasn’t there anymore and my mom said I told her that Shelby was with Oupa now. As I am growing older I am cherishing the stories my family tell me stories about me and Shelby because its like even though she passed on, I still got a little bit of time when she was my best friend.
I would love to find out if this is an experience other womb twin survivors have.
I guess I fall into the category of a womb twin survivor, I absorbed my twin in utero. Their DNA lives in me. It’s a weird mix of simultaneously feeling like someone is missing and also feeling like I am *both* of us. I stopped referring to them as my twin that I absorbed and just started referring to me as two twinselves, they are both equally a part of me. At that point, how do you say that one of us survived and the other didn’t? We’re both still here. Idk if that makes any sense but I relate to this article a lot, it had me crying actually for several reasons.
I think I am going to talk to my own counselor about this more, it’s something we haven’t really discussed in our sessions.
Thank you.
I’m to a womb twin survivor, twin girls. When I was child I knew something wrong, that something was missing that should be right beside me but isn’t. I always thought I was alone in the grief in this mourning that I felt. Didn’t help when my parents always brushed it off and acted as if it was just a phase, I think they were hoping I wouldn’t remember that I wasn’t alone before birth. My parents knew that I was a twin before my twin sister miscarried, she died at 21 weeks. I’ve been told by father that my mother fought tooth and nail to make sure I was born, and so at 8 months I was born via c-section. Seeing as the entire time after my twin had miscarried I wouldn’t turn, I wouldn’t move from the position I was in the entire til I was born. Now I don’t really think my parents were ever gonna tell me the I was a twin until I just asked one random night when I was 7, “Am I a twin?” I truly have no idea what possessed me that night, why it felt like I needed to ask such a thing. And I truly don’t think I was expecting my mother to answer with “Yes, yes are you, but she’s gone”. In that moment everything made sense, it was like a missing puzzle piece being found and making the picture whole. I was relieved and happy and so many other emotions it’s hard to put down in words, but then the pain came back the grief, the mourning, the loneliness. It all came back but it felt bearable for once that now the pain had a name, a missing a twin. I had so many questions that I wanted, and needed answers too. So I waited for my father yo come home from a job he was on and immediately I bombarded my father with questions like “What was she like?”, “How come she isn’t here anymore”, and “Why come I can’t I remember ever having a twin?” And so on and so forth, I remember my father setting patiently waiting for me to finish and when I did he told that she had died before they ever got to meet us, and so I asked “What happened to her?” And my father begins to tell me a story of when I was a child, about 5 or 6 years old, and how on one lazy Saturday afternoon I was alone playing in my room, he was home from a job and in his office all the way across the house, and my mother was at work. And how I had been laughing so hard that to him it sounded as if I was crying from across the house, so of course he checks on me and how he heard what sounded like me talking to someone. So when he made sure I wasn’t crying he asked me “Who are you talking to?” And I said “Sissy” and he asked “Raquel” the name of my oldest sister, and I said “No, sissy” and so he asked me again “Chelsey” the name of my second oldest sister, and again I said “No, sissy”. In that moment a memory came to me as well, how my father had started to cry and hug me and me asking what was wrong, and him telling that nothing was, that he was happy and asked me what me and my sister were talking about. And how for the rest of the afternoon I told my father the conversation I had with my twin sister. I still hold that memory very fondly into my adulthood. Even when I learned that I wasn’t the only pair of twins to be born into my fathers family, having learned that fact made sense to the over hanging sadness that came when mowing that I was a twin was something to be mourning through the family, especially since they could now mourn and grieve openly now that I knew, the could grieve the fact that I’m a twin in our family even with me still here and I didn’t understand. Until I learned what happened to the other two pairs, all three pairs of twins had died in early childhood or infancy. Except for me I am the only twin to live, I’m the only one to live past birth, to live past infancy, to childhood, and now into adulthood. It’s a weird feeling to know that somehow you’ve pulled off the impossible without knowing it for so long, to mourn with and to be mourned by family even when your still here. It feels relieving and disheartening at the same time knowing that other people have felt this way, that they know this pain and understand it, that (I don’t know if any of y’all have experienced this) but to feel a phantom sensation of someone touching your hand, brushing your back against your’s, to feel like a pair of eyes is looking at you, with you, through life. To feel like someone is standing right there with you but to only feel disappointment, because when you look over and see, no one’s there at all.
I believe I am the mother of an adult womb twin. I have struggled with talking with my daughter about this, but I have no definite proof. My daughter had surgery for organ duplication when she was four. She had grown an extra pancreas and stomach. This second stomach was crowding out her regular stomach, and she stopped being able to hold food down. She suffers from depression, and bipolar disorder. She has tried suicide, and reads extensively about women who have committed suicide. She has been involved in abusive relationships, and I wonder if she has been trying to find her twin through those. Shortly after giving birth to her, I delivered what looked to me like a piece of an umbilical cord that I sensed had come attached somehow from my placenta, and decided to deliver itself on its own. I’ve always thought that the cord belonged to my lost twin. Thank you for sharing your experience, and for posting the experiences of others.
Thank you for writing this article!! I am 61, and undergoing multiple treatments for multiple conditions, and one of my holistic practioners uncovered this was something I am experiencing. I always knew I was the twin who lived, my mother was full of stories about her pregnancy with us, which boasted of alcohol and cigarette abuse during pregnancy, but I did not realize there were more pieces to this story.. thank you for your transparency, as your story has helped open the door to the missing chapter in mine. I also lost one of my twins, at 13 weeks, so I not only AM a survivor, I lost a baby, and my surviving daughter is also a twin survivor.. now I have something to share with her, that will help her understand herself better too! Thank you for your courage and transparency! May God bless you as much as you have blessed my life!
Hizdaughter, Donna C
Thank you so much for this article. I am finally coming to terms that I was conceived as a twin. My mom was not aware. I have been going through a ton of mental health issues and it’s always felt like I had two separate temperaments. One being patient and joyful, the other being impulsive and angry. I just thought I was bipolar. Reading the characteristics of womb twin survivor fit me to a T. I always wanted a twin, throughout my life. I would day dream of what it would feel like to have a twin brother. I used to feel alone regardless of how many friends I surrounded myself with. As if someone or something were missing within me. Swimming in grief and interested in death, even as a child. I’m a woman but have always felt so masculine and had penis envy. Not to the point that I thought I was trans but enough to question my sexual identity and presentation.
Moving into a more metaphysical tone… I have discovered that my twin’s soul is still within my auric field. He never left me. His life is my life. And my life is his life. When I’m scared or overwhelmed, he always steps in to take care of me. I used to have rage black-outs where I didn’t remember what I said or did. When I wake-up in the middle of the night, I can feel him asleep and stirring to consciousness. The more I accept myself, the more I am able to accept him. We are not fully yet integrated because I don’t believe that is the point of this experience. I am feeling more whole within myself through a ton of therapy, self-reflection and somatic work.
It is possible to have peace with being two souls in one body. It is holy and sacred. What a blessing this is. How special are we? To always have the one we love the most always with us.
It was wonderful to read you article and the many stories of twin survivors.
I was pregnant with twins in 2016 .
There were two distinct sacks . My family took the news with such shock that I felt so alone and unsupported . I was around 13 weeks or so when one or the twins sacks miscarried ( disappeared) and I had some amount of bleeding .
It was called disappearing twins .
I felt the loss deeply but could not express it fully no one else understood . Not even my own husband . We are deeply spiritual Catholics so I prayed for the baby and named him David after my son Daniel was born .
Daniel the surviving twin is now 9 and often speaks of having a brother. He has lots of extreme anger issues and when angry says i should die..we have 6 kids . He has 4 sisters and only one brother . The elder brother does not stay with us .what can I do to help my son Daniel heal in a healthy way .the anger really affects me as I deal with several depression and anxiety issues and panic attacks myself